Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
