fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
