I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
