dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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