your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
