Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
