Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
