I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
