i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
