my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
