so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
