I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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