let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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