So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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