If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How external is "for external use only"?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
