she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
