I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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