Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
