Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
