dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
