This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I will be naked everywhere
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize