Someone shit on the floor
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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