It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
