we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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