Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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