I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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