So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
