sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
