I heard we made out
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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