Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
