Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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