He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
