i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
