you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
