I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
