My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
