my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
