alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize