The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
how does that bad decision feel?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
