I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
