Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
