Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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