after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
