i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
