help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
