Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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