"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
