a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He better not be in your backpack
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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