I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
