I love black thongs
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
