I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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