Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
