I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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