I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
