Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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