I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
