you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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