i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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