the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
