in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
