Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
