i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When are your genitals available?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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