I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
