i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
