i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sorry about my life...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
