Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
