My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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