I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
