I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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