I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
