Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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