Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
